Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Why Two is Enough

A friend of mine came back to work this week after what seemed (to me) like the world’s fastest maternity leave. She had a particularly rough delivery that involved things like a cracked pelvis and a bonus follow up surgery this June (oh.my.god.), and she mentioned that she and her husband were so sure that this was the last kid that he’s already had the big snip-eroo.*

We had a nice chat about how, although we think it is/will be challenging to have two spaced so closely together (hers are about 16 months apart, mine will be 22), we think that it will be so nice later on. It’s exciting to think that in just a couple of years, BOTH kids will be walking, talking, maybe even out of diapers. When I entered into the second trimester, I cheered that I will never have another first trimester EVER AGAIN. When her son cries all night, she is comforted by the fact that he will sleep through the night soon enough, and there is a light at the end of the LAST newborn sleep deprivation tunnel.

It was actually really nice to talk to someone who feels the same way about things as I do. Reading all about Swistle and Marie Green’s feelings of babywant were so fascinating to me because I have never experienced those feelings myself. It almost makes me feel like there might be something lacking with my maternal instinct for not feeling the same way.

I’ve heard people mention that strangers react to families with >2 kids like it’s a completely unheard of notion, but I keep running into the opposite reaction. EVERY TIME I mention that Kid B will be my last, someone makes a comment about how I will probably change my mind later, or how different our family would be if John (my younger brother) hadn’t been born. Maybe people will always have opinions to share about your situation, no matter what it is? What is with this universal attitude that we mothers don’t have any clue what is right for us or for our families?

It’s not at all that I didn’t love every single stage with Adriana – it’s just that I am ready to go through the stages again knowing that it’s the LAST time. Justin most definitely feels the same way (he advocated for even CLOSER spacing, and said many times that he would have been okay with just Adriana). I don’t at all feel that me being excited that Kid B will be the last means that I love this baby any less than the first or that I’m trying to rush his or her babyhood. If anything, I feel that I am going to go through it all with a sense of peace that our little family is complete.

*All of that being said, I don’t know that I am ready for J to get a vasectomy. More on this later.

1 comment:

lawyerish said...

I really think that we'll have two and be done, so I get this completely (and assuming things go as planned, they will likely be fairly close in spacing). I had an easy first pregnancy and Felicity has been a textbook baby, but I still mentally celebrate when I think that next time will be the last time we plan to go through it all. My husband and I both come from families with two kids, so maybe that's part of why two seems like a natural choice for us. Now I just have to avoid getting pregnant with twins and having an unexpected third! Heh.