Friday, April 1, 2011

The MIL Saga: Part 4 – Post Drama Fallout

See Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3 if you haven’t been following…

First, I feel like I should probably clarify my whole position on the spending the night thing. It’s not so much that I never ever want to let anyone take Adriana for the night. In fact, by the time of the “airing of the grievances” in the last post, Justin and I had already left her with my parents for a whole week when we took our (belated) honeymoon. However, my parents watched her all of the time, and we were 100% confident that Adriana was in excellent hands.

Here are my real issues with the MIL overnight thing:
1) It started SO EARLY – MIL was practically asking for a pajama party before the kid even owned any pajamas.
2) The subtle “I think it’s so great that you’re breastfeeding, but are you ever going to stop? Because it’s interfering with my ability to watch her overnight” comments.
3) The fact that MIL spent SO LITTLE time with Adriana that I still don’t know if I trust her as a caregiver.
4) The fact that MIL’s house is NOT SAFE with the lack of carpet or outlet covers (I don’t mean the little plastic baby-proofing thingies you stick in the outlet, I mean there are exposed areas around the socket since the covers aren’t / weren’t screwed on).
5) The psycho dogs and the lack of trust that MIL will keep them locked up 100% of the time.
6) The fact that she doesn’t want regular visits or a real relationship with Adriana, as long as she can create her “special grandma moments” (that can only happen at her house, without us, overnight).

Back to the story…

After the big blow-up with MIL, I decided that we needed to have her watch Adriana at her house, without us, as soon as possible. At least that way she was getting some alone time with her, even if it wasn’t all night. That was when I saw the outlet covers, and it took everything I had to just tell her to watch Adriana extra close around them and not freak out. There were a couple of other cringeworthy things that visit, but I was also overly sensitive since I was still pretty upset about getting bombarded the week before.

Shortly after that, we had Adriana’s bday, which went fine, and MIL’s bday, which involved several weeks of me trying to plan a visit and her ignoring my calls. Nothing else of interest happened again until the weeks leading up to Thanksgiving. MIL made a big production about having to paint and do a bunch of stuff around the house so that they could get the floors put in before we brought Adriana back over, and how tired it was making her. I offered to host Thanksgiving at my house instead, which was quickly shot down.

As it got closer to the big day, Justin found out that the floors weren’t going to be done. He got a little upset with his mom on the phone, and there were a couple of days of fighting back and forth via voice mail and text, because that’s how they roll. They worked it out though, and we went over for the holiday, and it was fine. At least Adriana was walking by that point, and they had removed all of the nails. As long as she didn’t electrocute herself, it was becoming less of an issue. The only other snag was that the GOOD dog (the one we trusted, not the psycho one) snapped at her face (seriously came within about a half inch of biting her) when Adriana got too excited with the petting. Justin and I both died on the inside, but didn’t say anything since things were still awkward from the fighting the week before. At that point, we were still trying to just suck it up and let things slide so that everyone was happy.

Shortly after Thanksgiving, I decided to try to do something fun for Justin’s birthday. I wanted to plan a romantic weekend getaway, and decided that it would be the perfect time to offer MIL an overnight. However, since this required FIL to watch Adriana one night too, we decided it would be a lot easier if FIL didn’t have to drive Adriana out to MIL’s house on the second day. MIL would have to babysit at our house (which is like, 25 minutes from hers).

When I called her to arrange the trip (several weeks in advance), she was initially SUPER EXCITED about the overnight, as expected. But when I said that we were more comfortable if both grandparents watched Adriana at our house, she got really cold on me, and said “In that case, I’ll pass. I have to go, goodbye.”

It was clear from the first part of the conversation that MIL didn’t have any plans that weekend whatsoever. She was literally just saying no to prove a point. After a freaking year of begging for overnight visits, she refused to do it because it wasn’t at her house. Honestly? I could have smacked her. Not because we had to cancel the trip because of it, or even because of her attitude on the phone. I was ROYALLY PISSED that she would give up an opportunity to hang out with her granddaughter who she NEVER SEES just so she “won” and we “lost”.

I am now too freshly disgusted to continue. But – only ONE MORE installment and we will be caught up to present! Are you excited?

1 comment:

d e v a n said...

Honestly, you are way bigger than me for even offering it up at that point. She's a piece of work.