There have only been three areas where we have been in complete disagreement.
Disagreement #1 involves the cats. Well, really just one of the cats, as I don't think Justin would mind Leo much if he was the only pet we had to deal with. It's much easier to clean up after a cat who barfs a lot than one who pees on things. That's right, Mohinder, I'm looking at you.
Justin bought Mohinder as a Valentine's present for me in...2008? 2009? I don't know, my brain is mushy. Anyway, it was 100% his decision to go from a 1 cat to a 2 cat household. Momo is the sweetest cat ever, so I was instantly on board. However, no amount of sweetness can counteract the fact that this cat has been trouble from day one. First, whatever shelter cat disease he brought into our home nearly killed Leo. He went from being almost 13 pounds to 9 pounds, and it took something like 2 years before he regained his muscle and stopped looking haggard. It was crazy (and really scary).
And I know I've talked about the peeing on here before. These days, Momo pees on things maybe 3 times a year, and usually it's because Justin missed a day cleaning the litter box to Momo's standards (but once it was over a week of peeing due to a UTI - it SUCKED). It's not the worst thing in the world when it's on a pile of laundry - it's a pain in the ass, but it's doable. However, Momo picks one big ticket, hard to clean item to pee on each year as well, and that's what really drives Justin over the edge. 2009 it was mattress, 2010 was a couch, and 2011 it was the carpet under the Christmas tree (I'm STILL not convinced I have gotten the smell 100% out, and we are in no position to replace the carpet right now). Justin VERY MUCH wants to get rid of Mohinder, whereas (while I have NO DESIRE WHATSOEVER to have a house that smells like cat pee), I feel that it's our responsibility to give him a good home, as we promised to do when we rescued him from the shelter. If I knew for certain that we could find someone else to give him a good home, I would be okay with that. However, I don't think anyone would take a pee-er, and I'm not going to lie just to pass him on. He really is a great cat. Anyway, I wear the pants, so I am winning this one so far. Laura: 1, Justin: 0
I didn't really realize we were having Disagreement #2 until it was kind of too late to do anything about it. When we first got married, I wanted 3 kids and Justin wanted 2. Then we had Adriana, and we realized how exhausting kids could be. I admitted I'd be willing to have 2. Justin, who is not a fan of the newborn stage AT ALL said that he would be okay with just Adriana, and that he'd prefer close spacing if we had a second to get out of the baby years sooner. My vagina was not so much a fan of that idea, so I calculated which month's nookie would result in 2 year spacing (the EARLIEST I was willing to be pregnant again), thinking that if we didn't get pregnant that month, we would try for a spring 2012 baby (a little over 2 1/2 year spacing, and with a much better maternity leave).
I then completely put it out of my mind, and didn't really pay much attention when Justin continued to state he was happy with one kid. Justin was an only child, so he didn't really get why it was so important to me for Adriana to have a sibling. And I was never going to agree to have just one, which might be why it really wasn't registering with me when he kept saying that's what he wanted. Either way, it didn't matter because we are super fertile and super awful at using birth control. I honestly didn't know how strongly he felt about it until after I was pregnant with Lucy (22 month spacing). It turns out that he was serious, he really did not want another baby.* I am SO, SO glad we got pregnant when we did, so it didn't have to be a huge, stressful issue. And, obviously, Justin loves Lucy, so we both win. I'm still giving myself the point though. Laura: 2, Justin: 0
And now we come to Disagreement #3, which was (much to my dismay) resolved last night. You guys, I LOST ONE. And it's a biggie.
I think I have mentioned before that Justin was a security guard when we met. He had originally wanted to go into law enforcement, but his bad knees were keeping him from taking the test. Anyway, he is really big on security, protection, etc. This includes guns.
I, on the other hand, fucking hate guns. I am not comfortable with them ONE BIT. When I am around them, the hairs on my neck stand on end and I'm constantly alert, unable to relax. I have an uncle who carries a gun on his person at all times, and I'm always moving the girls into whatever room he's not in when we are at family gatherings. I don't think people should be allowed to have them, period. I HATE GUNS.
Not long after we started dating, I found out that Justin owned a Glock. It had chemical burns on it from a past life in a meth lab, which did not really help his argument that only wholesome individuals exercising their constitutional right to bear arms own guns. I made him get rid of it before he moved in with me, because there is no way I was sleeping in the same house as a gun. And he did.
But then my dad got a gun, and it really made Justin miss having one. We don't live in the best neighborhood in the universe, and it's not enough for him that we have an alarm system (if the alarm goes off, it's too late). Ever since Justin bought my dad a laser sight for his gun for Christmas, he has been CONSTANTLY HOUNDING ME to reconsider my position.
At first, I genuinely thought it was more about the fact that he thinks guns are cool and that some extra money was burning a hole in his pocket. After much discussion, I came to realize that wasn't the case. He was as firm in his stance that we need a gun for protection as I am in mine that no good ever comes from owning a gun. We were at an impasse (inconceivable!!!)
I guess the biggest reason I caved was that I not only win our major Disagreements, but I also win a million tiny ones every day, as the pants-wearer. Marriage is supposed to be a compromise, and compromise isn't really my strong suit. I like to win, to be right, to have things my way. Justin presented a strong case for purchasing a gun. He put a lot of effort into researching gun and safe options** that would (theoretically) put me at ease. He thought out where we would keep it, and what we would tell the girls. He showed how passionate he was about it, and that he really did think it was 100% necessary to protect his family.
So, yeah. I have a gun. Laura: 2, Justin: Infinity
*If you ever read this, future Lucy, he TOTALLY would have been on board if he knew how awesome you'd be. He just didn't want to listen to you cry or clean your poop.
**UPDATE: He apparently also researched ballistics, as in "hollow point bullets and gunpowder amounts so bullets won't travel through walls and hit the kids" if it ever WERE fired in the house. The man does his homework.