A friend and I were talking, and we have a burning question for all of you...what do you do at night with your significant other, after the kids have gone to bed (like from 9-10:30)? We both have closely spaced children (less than 2 years apart), and it just seems like there is so little opportunity to have actual QUALITY time with our husbands.
I think, like many things in marriage, the marriage rut in which you both feel like there's nothing to dooooooooo together comes in cycles. Right now, I feel pretty okay with the quality of our time together. This is what works for us:
- Justin stopped gaming in the basement and started gaming in our bedroom and the living room. This was pretty key for us. I think the physical distance was causing emotional distance, and it's nice for us to hang out in the same room, even if he's playing games and I'm reading blogs or whatever.
- We got those dorky pillows with the armrests for our bed, and sometimes we play on our separate idevices or read or watch tv together while hanging out in bed, like the old fogeys we are.
- We started being more selective about the shows we watch together. Instead of watching all the things (and at least one of us being bored 95% of the time), we pick one show at a time and watch an entire season. Only watching shows we both really like also (mostly) prevents me from falling asleep 5 minutes in. Walking Dead, Breaking Bad, and Orange is the New Black are all up next on our agenda.
- Sometimes we play mindless games like yahtzee or skipbo while watching tv, which also helps keep me awake.
- Now that the girls are a bit older, we pick family activities that we are all interested in. Then even trips to the museum are kind of like dates...with our kids there.
- We go on mini coffee dates at the mall. There is a play area that the girls LOVE right next to a Starbucks, so we grab coffee and sit and talk while the kids play. Every once in a while one of us has to get up to break up a fight or chase Lucia because it's HILARIOUS to make a run for it, but otherwise it's sort of like a date.
- We make sure to go on one ACTUAL date sans kids per month.
- I find that having a balanced "alone time" situation is just as important in marriage satisfaction as having quality together time. I make sure that I get to go to book club or run or go to bloggy gatherings just as often as Justin gets to go to LAN parties or golf. If I'm thoroughly enjoying my me time, I don't feel bad about just vegging out and watching tv during married people time.
- Speaking of married people time...don't skip on the nookie.
So that's basically it for me. When you look at that list, you will notice that we don't really have a lot of QUALITY time after the kids go to bed, or really much quality ALONE time at all beyond our one date a month. During the time slot we are interested in (9-10:30 pm), hubs and I are either hanging out separately but together, or watching tv.
So what do you guys do? I thought about how Lacey and John started an etsy shop together, or how some couples do home improvement type stuff, or the 52 dates thing Jessica is doing. Then my ideas got really lame after that. I actually suggested that they could do a fucking PUZZLE. Surely you guys can do better than that. Comment below please!!!